In last week’s blog post, we wrote about the importance of maintaining an atmosphere of positivity and camaraderie among your bridesmaids. This is essential for everything to run smoothly, as well as for everyone to enjoy themselves. As we wrote last week, competition between bridesmaids is not unusual and can easily lead to conflict if not managed carefully. In general, it’s best to do everything you can to minimise competition. However, you may find yourself sometimes making decisions that have the opposite effect. Choosing your maid of honour is, in many cases, one such decision.

You may choose not to select any of your bridesmaids as maid of honour, and this is certainly one possible solution. However, in doing so, you may be depriving yourself of valuable assistance. Having a maid of honour means having a bridesmaid who has agreed to take on additional work in order to ensure that your big day is a success. While the position is considered an honour, it also comes with a lot of extra responsibilities. So, you may find yourself deciding that it’s best to have a maid of honour, regardless of any competition it may cause. In this week’s blog post, we’d like to offer some tips on choosing your maid of honour.

Consider Her Strengths and Capabilities

You probably already know who your bridesmaids will be, so you should start with an overview of each of them. What duties do you expect your maid of honour to perform, and which of the candidates is best suited to them? Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, and your aim should be to choose a maid of honour whose capabilities and best qualities align most closely with your needs. Although it might seem a little strange thinking about your friends in this way, it’s not a bad idea to make a list of pros and cons for each candidate. In the process of doing so, you’ll arrive at an understanding of what the role requires and who’ll be best suited to it.

Make Sure She’s Willing

As we’ve mentioned, being the maid of honour means going beyond the already demanding duties of a bridesmaid. Although most will be flattered and honoured to be chosen, not everyone will be prepared for the workload. Before you choose your maid of honour, you should make sure that the candidate is willing and able to accept the work and responsibility that’s involved. While some of your bridesmaids may be more than happy to accept the title of maid of honour, you may find they’re less enthusiastic about the difficult parts. The person you ask should be mature and have a strong work ethic.

Make Your Expectations Clear

When you ask someone to be your maid of honour, you should make it abundantly clear what her duties will be and what you expect of her. This will avoid the possibility of any confusion or conflict at a later time. It’s important that the maid of honour knows what you need from her, and equally important that you don’t ask her to do more than she signed up for. An honest and open discussion in the early stages is the best way to achieve this. You should also make it clear that, while her input and assistance is greatly appreciated, it’s your wedding and the final say in any decision-making will always be yours.

Think About How Others Will View Your Choice

As we’ve written already, bridesmaids, like any group of friends, can be prone to behaving competitively. You may find more than one of your bridesmaids vying for the position of maid of honour. When one is finally chosen, there may be some feelings of disappointment or even sour grapes. To avoid this as much as possible, you should consider how your choice will be viewed by the other bridesmaids. If anyone is particularly likely to be unhappy with your choice, you should have a friendly conversation with that person and reaffirm how much you value her as a friend and a bridesmaid. It can also be helpful to choose a maid of honour for a reason that will be obvious to everybody. Choosing your sister, for example, or your oldest friend, may lessen feelings of jealousy among the others, as the choice is obvious.